Thoughts about Valentine’s Day for Stepmoms and Stepdads

by Amy  - February 6, 2023

How do you feel about Valentines’ Day?

I’m not a huge fan. If I’m being honest.

That’s on brand for me because I’m not a huge fan of any of the days that declare this is the day to celebrate “this” person … and only this day. Gotta get the gift RIGHT or ELSE.

Grab my book, Blend! by Amy Stone

Valentine’s Day can feel tricky in a blended family

I honor that Valentine’s Day can be tricky in a blended family if it brings up thoughts of comparison between the new relationship and any prior relationships.

I talked to a stepmom recently who’s husband’s earlier marriage was on February 14th. So Valentine’s Day is her husbands old anniversary.

She struggles with all kinds of thoughts of comparison.

Have you ever felt that?

Valentine’s Day can feel tricky after a divorce

Not all blended families have a history of divorce but some do.

Valentine’s Day is like a perfect storm of guilt prompts (if you pay attention) to bring up any feelings that might be swirling around like you didn’t do enough and you should still be married.

Try to ignore that stuff and remember that those ads are just to sell flowers, cards and chocolate or reservations.

Valentine’s Day can feel tricky if you’re single

It was many years ago that I was single but I remember feeling like it was significant that I either be in a relationship or at least have a date on Valentine’s Day.

AAARGH the pressure.

Seriously, who needs that?

Valentine’s Day can feel tricky if you’re a widow

Anytime we single out one group to make them feel special there is likely to be at least one other group that will feel generally crappy.

Valentine’s Day can be really tough for people who have lost a life partner. I haven’t been through this one myself. It’s not too hard to sympathize that endless advertisements for take your partner to dinner or buy your partner a present could be a reminder that highlights a loss.

Valentine’s Day can bring up hidden pockets of self-doubt

I was watching an ad on tv which made me shake my head in wonder.

It was an ad for jewelry. I don’t know if it was a jewelry store or diamonds but it doesn’t matter. The male character buys a sparkly item for the female character who just melts with adoration and feelings of being loved and worthy because of this special gift.


I like gifts. I like to give gifts and get them.

In my way of thinking pinning your self-worth on whether your partner buys you a gift or the right gift or an expensive gift is a road straight to misery.

Valentine’s Day can feel weird if it falls on your birthday

This actually brings up a whole other can of worms but when I surveyed a group of people about Valentine’s Day several people who either had this day as their birthday or a family members birthday brought that up.

I guess it depends on if you like to share your birthday or not. Sometimes people feel like their birthday is being ignored when it falls near a holiday. We have some of that in my own family … not on this day but on other days. I sympathize with this. I do.

Eat the chocolate, buy yourself flowers or tools or what you want

There are deeper topics here that we could dive into. What does love mean to me and what does love look like in action?

Those questions are for coaching. If you want coaching click here.

This is a blog post.

In this blog post let me keep it simple and say that February 14th is one day. You get to feel about it however you want.

Valentine’s Day can feel like a lot of pressure on the old school relationship roles

When I started dating my husband I told him that I thought that flowers on Valentine’s day were kind of a rip off. The reason I say this is because they don’t tend to last as long as cut flowers other times of the year.

You know what … he still sends me flowers. He says he’s not willing to take the risk that I’m not serious. 21 years we’ve been doing this. Lol.

But… this year Valentine’s day falls on a Tuesday. It’s a work day and a school day. He texted me, do you want me to make reservations for dinner?

I texted back, nope.

I don’t. Crowded restaurant…weeknight …that doesn’t sound like fun to me. Not this year anyway.

Which actually doesn’t mean anything about what you should do. Think about what you would enjoy and then go make that happen. On this day … or any other day.

Training for You

Grab my Steps for Happiness as a Stepparent

Should You Date or Marry Somebody Who Has Kids?


Amy Stone (she/her/hers) is a life coach who helps adults in blended families. She is a mom, step-mom and a step-grandma. Other random fun facts include that She is a 7-time Ironman triathlon finisher and many many marathons and shorter races. She created

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